Among the many landmark judgements that Supreme Court meted out in 2018, one that garnered attention and mixed emotions from the diaspora was the scrapping of a 150-year law on Adultery.
It no longer allowed adultery to be a criminal offence; while upholding it as a civil offence and as a ground for seeking divorce.
But what does it truly mean for the Indian society? Will women and men finally be considered equal even in the delicate framework of the Indian society?
Harshali Singh, author of two books on relationships, talks about the dynamics of adultery within a marriage.
Marriage is considered a holy and sacred bond in any culture or country. In our country, it takes on more connotations and facets, as marriage demands a socio-religious burden on a woman’s character and chastity. Loyalty to our partner forms the basis of this institution, or so we thought.
In modern India, there is a spike in relationships which fall under the category of Adultery and we don’t even need statistics to show us this fact.
In colloquial terms, Adultery is when one is involved emotionally, physically or both with a person other than their spouse.
The law explains it in Section 497 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) which reads: “Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he knows or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, without the consent or connivance of that man, such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offence of rape, is guilty of the offence of adultery.”
Until recently, only men could be tried under this section but not anymore. The Supreme Court ruled that Adultery is no longer a crime and declared it unconstitutional. A landmark judgement this author finds it a welcome change and a step in the right direction.
Adultery is not a new concept nor is it going away anytime soon. In 2015 Ashley Madison published a survey which concluded that 76% of Indian women and 61% of Indian men do not consider adultery a problem or even an immoral issue anymore. The findings were collated from 75,321 respondents spread across 10 cities out of which 80% were married. Most felt trapped in loveless, business-deals like arranged marriages. When a ‘dating’ website opened its doors in India it was the women who were the first ones to register.
The next question then begs to be asked- Is it wrong?
The highest court in our country is no longer willing to set a benchmark to hold anyone against their earlier views. Besides saying that a man and woman are equally responsible for their actions the judgement also tells the diaspora that they have the agency over their own actions and no one gender is more liable than the other or the property of the other.
Every person draws a moral line and the courts are no more willing to draw these lines for the people of this country.
Further, in my view, it acknowledges that women are no longer willing to be saved or better yet can do a fair bit of saving themselves. Also, a man is not involved in the adulterous relationship alone. It is a two-way street.
Adultery cannot be categorized into just the physical framework of infidelity; it is about betrayal…the betrayal of trust. Below are a few other forms of adultery which have been identified.
Emotional Adultery is usually based on innocent friendships, so is difficult to differentiate from it. Though one may label it as just being friends, if there is sexual tension between two people, if you share confidential and intimate information with each other, if the other person is filling a void and most importantly if you need to hide your friendship form your partner, you are committing emotional adultery.
Energetic Adultery– The physical part of Adultery begins with energetic adultery. Though considered harmless, physical infidelity usually begins with such markers. It includes inappropriate thoughts, seeking to ingratiate yourself in the life of the person to who you are sexually attracted to, fantasizing about others during intercourse with your partner, visualizing another person other than your partner, visiting places with the knowledge that the one to who you are sexually attracted to may be there, watching pornography without your partners knowledge and stalking social media profiles of the person of interest.
Mental Adultery is to think of a person to the point that if the opportunity were presented you would commit the physical act,
Visual Adultery is to intentionally watch someone with lust
Emotional Adultery is most damaging and has a greater visceral impact as per most women. If asked in a mixed group, women are more likely to forgive a physical indiscretion compared to an emotional connection with another. Men however find it difficult to forgive physical intimacy with another in their relationships.
Can you truly say after reading the above that you have not been disloyal to your partner?
Global statistics show that most men commit adultery seeking attention or newness and most women, for revenge. Other reasons include- a desire for change, need for reassurance, to feel wanted as one is, for sex, as a result of temptation to do something thrilling.
In this new age of over exposure which facilitates new encounters that lead to Adultery what is one left with?
I would say, knowing that each one of us is human and we can make mistakes. Acknowledging and trying to change your course is the only way to make amends if you have strayed in any form or manner. However, breaking your promise to your partner cannot become a pattern. Change in thought and action, in this case, cannot be repetitive in nature.
There are other views of course, about how a piece of paper cannot act like a switch and turn the need to attract others off from one day to the next, that the human race is not meant to be monogamous, that as long as no one is harmed how can it be bad.
But I find these arguments empty and self- endorsing. If you do not see yourself being monogamous don’t promise that to your partner at the beginning of your relationship rather than using it as an excuse later.
Another argument that usually is voiced is – love, as a reason for indulging in adultery. Let me clear the rose tint from anyone who uses this line to absolve themselves. If the reason is love then… choose love. Be with the person you love.
I do believe that one person cannot hope to be everything for another. Why try to be everything for another person? Isn’t love or a healthy relationship supposed to bring out the best in us, are we not supposed to become each other’s strength? Then let us do away with that blindfold and stop expecting our partners to fulfill all the roles necessary to make us happy because we are not doing that either.
Platonic relationships and friendships along with a fulfilling life find favor with me. It allows one to have the freedom to express themselves in ways their partner does not wish to or cannot do. Rather than depend on your partner to give you a fulfilling life, make a life of your own.
Eventually, to my mind, adultery is whatever an individual believes it to be.
Harshali Singh is a New Delhi based author, former member at the Consumer Forum, a poet, an academician, a teacher trainer, a trained Occupational Therapist, an avid reader, and a passionate Painter.
Featured Photo by Zoriana Stakhniv on Unsplash
INCREDIBLE WOMEN OF INDIA 