The Imposter Syndrome & Success

/ Incredible Women of India

By Rituparna Ghosh The Friendly Neighbourhood Coach

“Did I really write three books? Did I really restart my life at 38 by doing diplomas and accreditation? Did the twenty-odd clients that I coached really meant it when they said I was good? Am I even qualified to write a monthly column? What if they realise that I don’t know anything? Or that

 This all happened because I was just at the right place at the right time and not because of my qualifications?”

These are the thoughts that are running through my mind as I sit and write this article in the middle of my Thursday. Sounds familiar?

This feeling is not new. Back when I worked in corporate, no matter how many ‘client delights’ I got, or how many 360-degree reviews talked well about my work. Or how many ‘exceeds expectations’ I received in my appraisals. I would always be gripped with anxiety when I saw the super bosses discussing something (Not necessarily appraisals, but anything). There would be this familiar ache at the pit of my stomach, the kinds I used to get when I would be afraid that Ma would discover that I’d spent my extra class roaming around Bengali Market, instead of learning the basics of physics. Guilty that any moment they would discover I was a fraud, despite being perfectly qualified for the job I was doing.

Wikipedia defines imposter syndrome ‘as the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.’

While the imposter syndrome finds its way to some extent across all individuals, but it’s high in people with underprivileged backgrounds, amongst women, humans of colour, the LGBTQ community. In short, anyone who has had to fight hard trying to survive in the world that runs on being run of the mill.

According to clinical psychologist Emily Hu –

“We’re more likely to experience imposter syndrome if we don’t see many examples of people who look like us or share our background who are clearly succeeding in our field”[1]

The imposter syndrome manifests every time when the injunctions[2] that have been handed to us, or the drivers[3] we have created to survive, clash directly with what we are doing or what is happening around us. 

E.g., Imagine an entrepreneur, who in their childhood has always been told to find a job once done with school or ‘we are service class people, we are not a shrewd businessman. For some of them, it’s a constant battle to feel themselves worthy of the trust and responsibility of owning and running a company. Doesn’t matter how many milestones the company meets, the constant worry of things breaking stops them from enjoying their success.

 

Or, you have grown up knowing that every time you have done things perfectly, you’ve been given attention. Somewhere to deal with this injunction, our brain comes with the driver of trying & preparing till we perfect it. Unfortunately, this could also mean subconsciously walking into a realm of over preparedness, killing ourselves for simple tasks. We end up so attached to the idea of perfection, we beat ourselves to death when it’s anything short.

 

The pain in, not being able to land a deal, acing a meeting, managing a team, writing a book or providing value to the clients is so acute that everything else, all good work is forgotten. And that does more harm than the original mistake that was made.

While it is good to have occasional doubts about your abilities because it keeps you grounded, helps you strive for the best. However, in certain cases, imposter syndrome can be severe, paralysing and self-destructive. It could be the reason, why we feel solely responsible to land things on our own and look down upon asking for help. It is why we get insecure because we feel that everyone else can do it why not us? We stop recognising our talents and seek validation from others. Sometimes it stops us from even trying because we have no faith in our capabilities and think any success is just a fluke.

So how do we resolve this? In one ‘deceptively simple in looks but mammoth in effort’ step – By giving ourselves ‘Permission.’

Permission to recognise that we are on a journey, it would take us some time to crawl before we learn to walk. Permission to forgive ourselves every time we fall down or drop the ball, knowing that each moment we are giving it our best shot. Permission to stop expecting others to recognise our worth but celebrating our successes ourselves. Permission to realise that despite being part of the instant generation, things happen slowly, skills are built slowly with practice. Permission to trust others, knowing that they are doing things to the best of their abilities, more importantly, their way could be different than yours, but the end goal is the same. Permission to ask for help when you are unable to move forward. Permission to walk away and accept some things are not meant to be.  

Last but not least, permission to allow yourself to heal, permission to love yourself and trust yourself unconditionally. 

About the Author:

Rituparna Ghosh is the Author of ‘Unloved in love’, ‘The Boy with a Secret’ and ‘The Boy with a Guitar’. Having done her diploma in novel writing from the London School of Journalism, She has also contributed to four different anthologies with Readomania and many other short stories. She is currently living in the UK with her family. In her day job, she runs her practice ‘Laughter Conversations & Coaching’ as a Transformational Life Coach and also as a guest faculty in IIT Madras. Follow her on Twitter @rituparnag or Instagram @withrituparnaghosh.

[1] In an article by Sheryl Nance-Nash for the BBC, clinical psychologist Emily Hu is quoted saying

[2] Injunctions are messages we are given by our parents and other significant figures in our childhood, which then influence how we live our lives.

[3] Drivers represent a type of survival mechanism – mental strategies that we develop to counterbalance injunctions.

Share your thoughts