A Thought of One’s Own

By Rashmi Raj

This is the norm… Or, is it? 

Life is full of things we do and don’t do. What we do, defines who we are. As much as what we don’t do. It is such an important thing. An essential part of being human. And yet, very rarely do we see people taking it seriously. In fact, we hardly see anyone introspecting to see where they stand on things. What they feel about things. Instead, we mostly see people just following the norm. 

My friends like a certain movie so I make a plan to watch it too. My parents have followed a certain tradition so I follow it with my children too. My ancestors dressed a certain way, so I dress this way too. We have always celebrated something a certain way in my family, or country, so I continue to do it too. Everyone is reading this book lately, so I want to read it too. So many people have talked about enjoying their visit to this particular place, so I want to go there too. You get the drift.

Social drinking, wearing make-up, working late, working for free for experience, or sometimes even for exposure (as if that pays the bills!) – there’s no dearth of things we do because they are the norm! Because society has come to expect them from us. Be it following social media trends, or dressing a certain way, or following certain practices, or even holding certain opinions, we are all guilty of following the norm, one way or another. 

The ‘norm’. Meaning, the ‘normal thing to do. A ‘standard practice’ followed. Something that is typical. The rule, even. Something a majority of people do at any given point in time. Something that, in layman’s terms, we call, the ‘usual practice.’ Or ‘the popular way’ of doing things. 

If you have been following the news, the past few weeks have been heady. From a high-profile court case to the attack on the marketing campaigns of some retail brands, social media has been abuzz with opinions. With everyone taking sides. Some take the side of tradition, values, religion, even ‘good’ parenting and upbringing. While others prefer to be on the side of freedom and liberty, and progress, and leniency. Somehow believing, that these two are mutually exclusive. 

And that is where I beg to differ.  

The truth is, that these are not mutually exclusive. One can very well be on the side of tradition while advocating for freedom and liberty. And one can be laissez-faire in their thinking, but look and dress as traditional as it gets. Liberal thinking doesn’t necessarily mean someone is anti-tradition, and vice versa. 

But that is evidently, not the ‘done thing’, these days. The ‘done thing’, instead, or the norm, is the exact opposite. It is labelling people. Putting them into boxes. Squaring them into categories. You are either in favour of one thing or the other. You are either a believer in one thing or you are not. You either follow one tradition or you don’t. You either enjoy a certain game, or you don’t. You are either a loyalist or you are not. The list just goes on and on.  

And when it comes to women, this list is even longer! Women don’t just need to deal with issues that plague the trolls on Twitter, but they also have to deal with people around them – their family, their friends, their colleagues, in addition, of course, to being targeted by the said trolls on social media. You are either a feminist or you are not. You are either a modern woman or you are not. You either follow traditions or you don’t. You are either a working woman or you are not. You either wear a bindi or you don’t. You either keep fasts and celebrate festivals or you don’t. 

Everything needs to be black or white. Everything needs to be either ‘this’ or ‘that’. And nothing in between seems to be accepted. There seems to be no place for the grey areas. No place for something to be both ‘this’ and ‘that’. 

While in reality, life is contained in exactly this grey space. This ‘both’. This balance between the traditional and the freethinking. A bridge, if you will, between the past, and the present, leading us to the future. And the only person who really lives, and enjoys life, is the one who understands this and adapts while maintaining his or her own identity and not merely following the norm. 

The question is, are we ready to do that? Are we, willing to adapt, while standing apart, on our own?