Rituparna Ghosh, The Friendly Neighbourhood Coach

Yes! It is that time of the year, new beginnings, new things, new habits to be developed, new wins to be achieved. Till I began my work life, (post that it was always reviews and appraisals, ugh) new year has always been my favourite time of the year. Riding on the back of Christmas, this felt like an opportunity to turn over new leaf. Yet like most of you I never seemed to be able to ride the wave and would hang my boots post January. Then began reverting back to the old ways and resuming unhealthy patterns which would carry on the whole of the year till December, at which point I’d detest myself.  

Sometimes I would blame the circumstances, sometimes I’d blame myself for being weak. However, no amount of good-intentions, or will-power would get me what I sought, consistency. 

Why do new year resolutions fail? More importantly what is our responsibility in all of this?

1. Are your resolutions really based on something you want or something you think you should want?

We’ve all been there, wanting to lose weight and get to that perfect size, flat tummy. If I sit down an calculate the amount, I spent on joining gym memberships and diet plans then I would probably have my own TESLA! But do I really want the perfect body? On paper that sounds good, I mean who wouldn’t? But do I really desire it when everything, even folding laundry takes precedent over working out? 

More work life balance, because you know I am self-employed and that was the top most reason I quit working in a company. However, year on year I seem to be working all hours, the more pressure I have the more I seem to thrive. 

This brings me to my question; do I really want these things that I’ve committed to on paper? Or are these things I should want. So, before reaching out for that pen and paper, ask yourself the habit that I want to develop or change, would that give me joy? 

It might be the need of the hour, like in my case losing some of my gluttony weight seem to be necessary to avoid comorbidities, but I could instead set up a goal for a healthy life which doesn’t involve me killing myself doing CrossFit at 5 in the morning. 

1. Are you measuring it the right way?

I’m sticking to the weight example because it was one of the goals/ resolutions I’ve failed in consistently. As recent as last year for my 40^th birthday, I aimed to be the fittest version of my plump self. And no, I didn’t fail it. I was the fittest version of myself, who could do 150 squats in a day, which was a big deal for someone who struggled with 10 squats in 2020! Yet in my mind I had failed, because the weighing scale refused to move. 

Before deeming yourself a failure, have a look are you measuring your goal the right way? I lost inches, I dropped a size, I was healthiest than I was the year before, but I let all of it go and fell into depression because the damn scale didn’t budge! More often than not there are different ways to look at your goals, are you succeeding in different ways to achieve it? 

Work life balance, I’m now working weekends, most of the evenings I find myself working – On paper it might seem like I have no work-life balance, yet I carve out 4 hours every day to be with my son, that’s important for me. 

1. Are you tracking it? 

In my role as a senior manager, I’d frequently hear associates, subordinates, big bosses telling me what an exemplary employee I was. Yet the corner office remained a distant dream in my short stint at work. I struggled massively with this, every time I went for feedback I got no concrete answers, so I resorted to working long hours and trying to do more till I burnt out completely. 

What went wrong? I didn’t keep a track of all the work I had done. Hence, every time I only was measured against the stuff I remembered and my manager remembered. Tracking to your goal and recognising the small steps you are taking towards it is almost as important as setting it.  Things happen, you get derailed, circumstances change, in the end, you might think it’s all a big giant failure when it is nothing but a blip in your otherwise consistent track record. More often than not, it is this presumed feeling of failure that causes us to spiral down and self-sabotage. 

1. Is it the right time?

In our quest of making resolutions and aiming for the impossible, we forget to account for something important, time. I think Covid has worked as a good reminder that things can change in a flash. I completed my coaching diploma in 2020 and my biggest resolution that year was setting up a robust coaching practice, we all know how that planned out. I wish I could say I had the wisdom to predict time and modify my goal, but instead I just let covid pull me down and keep me down. 

Many people I know would love to eat healthy and give up on heavy carbs altogether, however they find themselves reaching for that tub of ice-cream or bar of chocolate every time they are saddened by the state of the world (which is pretty often) In this case, the connection between carbs as soothers needs to be addressed before the goal of giving them up altogether. 

1. Do you attach your self-worth to your resolutions? 

Your resolutions don’t define you; they are not the measure of your existence. Like I said, things happen, work gets crazy, you injure yourself and before you know it, you’ve fallen off the wagon. It might feel like you’ve let yourself down for a bit, and it’s okay to take some down time to moan, whine or feel upset about it, but keep an end timer know what’s happened can’t be changed and the best way to move forward is to modify the goal based on your current situation. Your goal doesn’t define your self-worth. 

New year’s is not only about making resolutions because everyone seems to be doing it, it is about finding out what truly gives you joy. It’s about making choices based on what really matters to you, and once you do, you’d realise you don’t need any motivation.