In the aftermath of the murder, most foul, let us collectively introspect 

Proyashi Barua 

The writer is a fiction author and independent content writer. She has authored The Mystic Sinners published by Readomania. Formerly a journalist, she now writes opinion pieces for various magazines and websites. The views expressed in this article are her own.    

Well let’s face this- many people consciously skip the crime headlines in a newspaper or web portal and switch channels whenever any news related to murder, rape, kidnapping or arson surfaces. Nothing wrong in adopting this stance at all for it is truly in the interest of their own mental equilibrium. However, the last fortnight has veered almost every such person too in the dizzying and nauseating web of absolutely grisly and spine-chilling details related to the Shraddha Walkar murder case.  

Shraddha Walker, a 27-year-old Indian woman from Maharashtra was strangled to death by her live-in partner Aaftab Poonawala (aged 28) on May 18 this year.   Reportedly, her body was dismembered into 35 pieces by her boyfriend/killer and was kept in a fridge at their rented apartment in Mehrauli (they had shifted to Delhi from Mumbai around mid-May this very year). Consequently, Shraddha’s killer disposed of the different body parts in the forest area of Chhatarpur in the course of several consecutive nights in June! 

According to sources Shraddha and Aaftab had met through ‘Bumble,’ an online dating app, in 2018. Their live-in relationship was fraught with violence and friends and acquaintances close to the now-deceased victim have revealed how she had been brutally assaulted by Aaftab in November 2020 and how at intermittent intervals (in the course of the last few years) she had texted them apprising about the impending dangers of her situation. 

Yes, these facts are now known to the entire nation – however, the myriad perspectives through which these elementary facts of this enormously complex and ghastly incident are being interpreted are a cause of serious concern. For clearly many misogynistic narratives are being pedalled and there is a rather pronounced undercurrent of ‘victim shaming.’ One very common statement everywhere is -‘Why did she not walk out of this abusive relationship?’ Some consequent murmurs unfortunately also are – well she then deserved it for being so callous!  

According to a large section of the mental health fraternity, Shraddha could not walk out of her relationship because hers (her relationship) was a classic and living example of trauma bonding. A lesser-known psychological phenomenon, trauma bonding is very real and prevalent in our society and refers to relationships between two people that are characterized by intermittent cycles of abuse and intense gratification. 

In such relationships, it is very possible for the person who is at the receiving end of the abuse to be illogically and even overwhelmingly attached to the abuser. Therefore soon after cycles of violence or abuse the victim’s mind retraces back to the happy euphoric parts of the relationship and feels subconsciously confident that the euphoric moments and phases will soon return. Ironically enough they do return too and this predictably dangerous pattern breaks all resolve to truly walk out of the relationship. 

Trauma bonding is the root cause behind many a woman’s decision to remain in marriages that are fraught with emotional and physical abuse. Trauma bonding can also happen in platonic relationships and men too can be victims of such dysfunctional equations. 

From all the news reports and ongoing television debates, one thing is clear- this sensational murder could have well been averted if the few friends that Shraddha had confided in occasionally had been much more proactive in ‘arranging her rescue.’ Alas, that could not happen because very probably Shraddha herself was not consistent in her resolve and communication with them. After all her colleague has stated on national television that in the aftermath of a particularly violent episode of an assault she had decided to file a written complaint at the police station but that decision fizzled out soon afterwards. So who is to be blamed? Her friends? Shraddha herself? Or the fact that she was a hapless victim of trauma bonding? 

To the more discerning among us, the answer is evident. Another alarming question crops at this juncture- how can trauma bonds be broken? After all, the ramifications of these dysfunctional bonds can be colossally catastrophic.  

At the outset, it is critical for our society to prioritize mental health and understand the primary fact that mental ill-health signifies much more and beyond depression and anxiety.  We need more comfortable spaces to address not just our everyday and chronic angsts but also talk about feelings and experiences that seem inscrutable to us. After all, according to psychiatrists, trauma bonding is often caused by a very complex set of factors and these factors alter /impair an individual’s psychology over a period of time. 

One way of instituting spaces is to professionally attach qualified counsellors and psychiatrists to schools, colleges and even workplaces. Free mental health screenings via mental health camps for the underprivileged sections of society are fast becoming a ‘must’.  Needless to say, entrenching a professional ecosystem of mental healthcare will aid in stemming a plethora of mental issues. 

People in intimate non-platonic and even platonic relationships should always prioritize self-care and set healthy boundaries early on in the relationship. Isolating from people around and relying exclusively on the ‘close one’ for love, affection and every other perceivable pleasant and pleasurable experience is bound to backfire eventually. This backfiring will be visibly non-benign when the significant other is a narcissist or has toxic or psychotic traits.   

Sometimes doing this can seem like a daunting and herculean task as the pathology of trauma bonding has already overridden the relationship. In such cases, the intervention by a significant-close friend, family member or well-wisher is of pivotal importance. Getting the victim to intelligently decode her/his exact situation is probably the first veritable step and hence the confidant has to be non-judgmental and stay consistently (if not regularly) connected to the person who is contending in the throes of trauma bonding. 

Shraddha Walkar might well have been the victim of trauma bonding. At the same time, it is also possible that a set of other (seemingly inscrutable) reasons caused her very unfortunate situation and tragic end. For sure things could have been done very differently by her and her close aides to avert this inhuman tragedy. But definitely, those different things did not happen because somewhere as a society we are all collectively crippled when it comes to facing certain facts and complexities of our evolving social ecosystems. We have a tendency to ostracize live-in relationships, interfaith romantic liaisons and even lifestyle choices. As a result, people who exercise unconventional choices often face an erosion of their support systems and get trapped in a situation of ‘no-return’ when adversities strike. 

Let us all stay focused on a few facts- the brutality of crimes in our nation’s crime meter is deepening by the year. And we all need to individually and collectively identify measures that will thwart potential crimes. Being non-judgmental and watching out for sudden aberrations in the people that we know is probably going to be our first step in the way ahead.